Red Snake

Hello my name Rickey Bobby recently I went on a CYCLE to the Australian woods .We packed a lunch BEFORE we went .We finished packing the lunches for my friends and I checked the big round CLOCK in my kitchen and we were off .We got to the first trail it was called the big drop I was scared my friend Luke went first and I followed .Luke shouted stop so I did we looked at the ground it was a forty foot bright RED SNAKE we pushed our bikes to the top of the hill .We rang the animal control unit they got here fast but the snake was GONEEE!!!!!!

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One thought on “Red Snake

  1. Hi!
    Thanks for writing in this challenge. I think it was pretty tricky and you took the prompt ‘red snake’ to inspire you. Your idea was a good one and as you continued to write I could sense you became more engaged and enjoyed the writing.

    My advice is to get to the exciting part quickly, in fact starting with the ‘big drop’ and Luke speeding off in front of you. Some of your other details were less important to set the scene and getting to the exciting bit would gave given you more time to describe the snake- how it moved, how you felt.

    I live the idea that the snake was gone at the end! I hope it didn’t slither all the way to England!

    Debbie Team 100, Bristol England

    Like

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